The Italian Festival.

Was actually really fun. But I do have a lot on my mind at the moment... I don't know why I keep making things so hard... But I am a boy hopper and the thing with EJ is...I like him and everything but he doesn't really know how to act. I want him to be able to act like himself around me even if we are together errr not.

But I started the festival with Nate, I mean it was fun I guess. I hated the comment I got about;; "I can't believe you dragged me here." and just little stuff like that. Then EJ showed up, which was kinda awkward since I liked him too. I don't know how he felt about it, but I could tell he was awkward. I didn't want to be all up on Nate err nothing around him so I didn't. I maybe held his hand once er twice and put my head on his chest when I didn't feel to good.

It was fun, it also made me mad when Jessica, Nate's friend, Showed up. It kinda pissed me off and how he wanted to talk to her and everything and I wanted to know why and he said because his ex and a girl he fucked does not mix with his formal girlfriend. That made me a little mad.

He went on two rides;; The Twister, twice.

Nate left earlie because he had to go home so it was just Kylee, EJ, and I for a while then we went to eat and met up with Riss and Joe.

I was telling her about my delema because it was bugging me really bad. I wanted to be with EJ because he was sweet and nice I wanted to be with Nathan because he was sweet and nice too. They both don't know how to have a relationship and Nate and I just didin't click that welll... So yeah, I broke up with Nate.

I was walking home with, Riss, Joe, EJ, Kylee, Brady, and rissa's mom when he called and I wasn't sure if it was actally what I wanted to do err not i threw my shoes and like fell on the grass at the school. It bugged me. I don't knwo why it just doesn't click like it did with Chris, Like it just seemed like he was there, I liked him. No questions asked, no confused minds. Now it's different.

I feel kinda bad for breaking up with Nathan He was good to me... to the most part, and I almost started crying when I took off his necklace before I actually sat down on my laptop.

Im kinda scared on what my mom is gonna say, she really likes Nathan and everything... But I don't know.. Just nothings the same anymore.

Im not happy that I broke up with Nathan, Im not sad that im not with him, Im not extremely happy that Im with EJ and I'm not sad either. I don't get what's going through my head. It's not supposed to be like this... Maybe I can ask EJ if we put it on hold, I think he will understand if I tell him that. But Idk. I do still wanna hang out with Nate and everything.

I liked the way we talked before we actually went out, I mean I hope he isn't extremly mad at me, and I don't know how to tell my mom either. Im really scared on the whole thing. It was just kinda eaiser when my mind was set on one person, Which it's not anymore.

I did have a lot of fun, going on the twister with Riss and Q over and over singing every song that came on the radio. It was fun the most fun I had in a while. At least, that part was.

My head is all messed up at this point... But I'm only 14. Things can't be too bad... Can they? Welp Im about to go to bed. So Later.

So Confused!!!!

Gah I need some help here.! I don't get it. Okay;; Last night my boyfriend Nathan called me and was drunk off his ass. I've been wanting to go to the Italian Festival months before school even ended, and it's finally here. TODAY!

I wanted to go with Nathan and I told him about it and we have been talking about it for like... the past three days. And last night I asked him like what was going on tomorrow I mean for like rides and everything and what was gonna happen and he had no idea what I was talking about! It made me feel kinda bad since I've been looking forward to it and he seemed like he didn't even care. And when I did tell him he said "Oh, that thing." That didn't make me feel so great.

He was telling me how he went over to his friend Jessica's house. Nate has a lot of friends that are girls, two I know and don't have a problem with, Jessica is one that I do not know and it kinda makes me a little unconfortable about the whole situation. He told me how they played water fall and got toally slammed,

I know he gets drunk and everything;; I'd rather him do it with his brothers errr something like that. I don't like it that much but I'm not going to controll him. The whole fact that he got drunk with a girl...who knows what could of happened! Okay... I know that sounds kinda like trust issues but it's true!

And I told him I didn't like it and stuff and he said "Well, if it bothers you then I just won't tell you anymore." That made me even more furous, why would you not tell me stuff im your girlfriedn!

Welp Its about noon we arn't going until six I have to call him though before he goes over to Jessicas and make sure that he actually wears something desent. If Im gonna try to look cute he can at least wear a different shirt then a wife beater. Those things are starting to get on my nerves.

Apart of me doesn't reallly even want me to be with him anymore. And the other is telling me to stay. I have a feeling today isn't going to be very fun and he's gonna make it boring. I would Rather go ith EJ.

EJ is really sweet and I was talking to him on myspace for the longest time last night and we finally both revield that we like each other. Which is a good thing in some cases. But Idk I mean I like him. But Idk if I wanna date him eerrr not we don't know each other very well. And I havn't really got that urge to be with someone since Chris. So I don't know.

I really have nothing else to say at this point. Kylee left she's goin to do her chores get a shower then come back over. Me? I guess Im gonna clean the house while my step dad sleeps for a while. I'll either write more later tonight or tomorrow before I go to my dads.

Caio!

Normal Day :)

HOMYGAWD

Thank god! Volleyball camp finally ended today! I am soo siked!! Four days, six hours of pure volleyball. Believe me it's no fun. Our instrster was getting on my last nerve for the past three days. She plays middle hitter at CSU [Cleveland State University]

She spent so much time teaching us things that we already knew. I felt good because I was playing with the upper class men which are, Sphmores, Jouniors, and seniors. And they like how I was actually trying and how hard I work. Believe me I liked getting praised even though I don't act like it.

I was so happy to go home. Nathan, my boyfriend, said he wanted to hang out today but he didn't call err show up ap all today. Oh well he hangs out with a lot of girls so he's probably with one of them...

The Italian Festival is tomorrow and Im sooo excited! I just hope he don't get rained out, because it's the first carnival thing I went too since the fair last August. I am either going with Nate or this other boy Named EJ.

EJ likes me and I like him too but Im to scared... because I like him and all and I don't want to rush into anything and then again Im happy with Nathan. I don't know what I'm doing at this point.

My friend Kylee is over here right now, and we are just messing around and I'd thought I'd write my first blog. It should be more interesting tomorow.

Ugh, I gotta sleep down stairs with the stupid puppy tonight, not looking forward to that, But I shall rite more tomorrow.

CAIO!